How would you have reacted to my experience?

I want to share with you some things that I have learned during this week and end with one simple yet very concrete experience that wraps everything in a conclusion.

It’s been a while now that I have started to see and understand people and things that happen in my life, differently. I know this is due to the things I learn and study, and I was wondering how could I talk about this so that others could understand and benefit of the same great experiences I do.

Believe or not, my perception towards a lot of things in my life has shifted. To give you a simple example I am a lot more calm than I used to be. I a lot more happy and have less ups and downs in my personality than I used to, I am a lot more patient and understanding in my relationship, I am aware of my feelings and am able to reduce my emotions when I feel or get angry, and the list can go on.

I know some of you might say that it’s probably because I am growing up, and it’s just a normal process of transformation which we all experience at one point or another. I dare to comment on this one. I see people every day, older than me, that still act and think like teenagers, as I see also teenagers acting, thinking and talking like grown-ups, and I bet you do too. Now there must be something that produces this effect of “growing up”, happening faster for some and slower for others.

I decided to give it a little bit thinking, and what I came up with, is the idea that believes and experience are the things that shape our life and influence our “growing-up”. Now that sounds pretty simplistic and generalist, so let me detail.

Believes are the “tools” in our life. We are not born with them, but we inherit them from our parents, grand parents, society, friends, etc. With this set of tools we start going throw life. Some of us may have inherited a sharpened axe, some of us a hammer, some of us nothing more but a simple nail. Now we don’t know how to use these tools at first, so we look around and replicate; basically being copy-cats. We don’t necessary think, we just act on what we see. At this stage we are still kids and we might also benefit by teachers (good and bad), volunteering to help us learn how to manipulate these tools that we have been given.

Some of us however are not happy with what we got as tools, so we create or own tools. Now, being inexperienced and having no ideas, we start looking for ideas for things to invent. So we start reading, talking to other people, observing how others think, create and live. At this stage we either borrow things we like or continue searching. Whatever the case should be we expand our knowledge, experience, life-skills.

Now we already that 2 groups. It’s pretty obvious that the second one will be more much better equipped to “deal” with life than the others. But than again we all had a choice. Why didn’t we all continue to evolve. Why some of us, settled with less. And here is where I realized that we end up with the spinning vicious circle. It’s again our belief system that tell us it’s not worth it or it’s not for us so we stop struggling. Not going further means no or less experience so it’s inevitable to reach stagnation and procrastination.

A basic, low set of experiences allows us to see the world in a certain “horse-glassed” manner. Now this is why some people simply can’t understand how others experience happiness, wealth,  health; basically wellness and well-being.

Experience determines perception and how we act/react.

As promised I will give a very simple example from my life.

Yesterday morning when I left home to go to work, I realized my car and all the other that were parked on the left side of the road, had been picked-up by the police as there was road work done on that street. Some signs were posted on the right side of the road but were not seen easily.

Now I bet you have at least one friend which would have gone crazy by now. Well not my case. I actually laughed about it and told myself: “this is going to be interesting”. I saw a police officer directing the circulation up the road, approached him and asked him where could I find my car, as it had been picked up. She politely offered info and ended up with a smile. In the following hour I went to the police station, signed some papers, payed the bill: 122,74 euros and was heading to work. As I was driving to work on the highway I could not stop wondering: what can I learn from this? I am sure this happened for a reason. And than another question reached my mind: How many of the people I know would ask themselves his question immediately after? How many would have kept their calm as I did and wouldn’t have considered it a drama and thus continue their day as nothing bad had happened.

Will not bather you with the rest of my thinking process but hopefully you got the idea.

If I would have believed that getting my car picked up by the police was a tragedy, I would have been flooded by negative emotions, and would have act accordingly: loosing my temper, getting angry, etc.However, I remembered what I had previously learned from my lectures and mentors and voluntarily decided to give it another meaning. I could have started asking: why me? But than Les Brown would have come up in my mind and told me: How selfish can you be? Why not you? Who else? You probably already have some people in mind that would deserve it more than you, right?; and I know I don’t want to mess up with him, as he is almost always right.

I really hope, this message gets to someone in need of an advice to be able to reshape his life experience and “grow-up”.

How do you take decisions?

(Reading time: 3-4 minutes | Relevance: HUGE)

Most of the things that I have done in the last several years  and of which I am really proud of, were challenges and not necessarily easy ones.

The fact that I quit my first job to start working in a really small, 6 persons service based company that we afterwards grew to more than 20 persons, buying my two cars, leaving Romania and coming to continue leaving in Paris, France, saying yes to an opportunity that seemed to good to be true at that moment and many others.

I know all of us have things we are proud of, and things we regret we haven’t done.

This is also the topic of this article. Getting in a bit more details in why do we take on some challenges while we say no to others even if we know they might have the potential to get us to a totally new level and the decision making process behind.

First of all we need to understand that the decision making is a pretty simple process which actually takes a lot less time that we might think.

We all think that change takes time. Well I would like to offer you another perspective on this.I would rather say, change and decision making is done instantly but progress, action and information accumulation takes time.

Now let me explain that.

We’ve probably heard cases where people say: “Ohhh, it took me so long to make this change”, or “It was so hard to start”. I honestly think and proved to myself that is only BS, because it only takes one second to decide you are going to do something and start doing it. However there is a time gap between that decision making moment and  the moment you start putting that decision in practice and because most of us allow ourselves to “take some time to breath and think about it” we loose momentum and we end up not taking action, so you end up with no decision at all, just an affirmation. Now, in case you don’t already know, let me remind you this:

Repetition is the mother of learning and the father of action which makes it the architect of accomplishment.Zig Ziglar

Now we have this pattern of taking decision and not following through with them and guess what happens to our brain. Exactly, he starts thinking that  is normal. So he will never support you in taking that first step. And the really bad thing about all of this, is that we end up thinking that we are incapable and have all sorts of internal conversations convincing ourselves that we are no good enough and that we are not supposed to do something, bla bla bla.

Now here is another interesting idea:

Decisions shape our destiny. – Tony Robbins

That is very very powerful, because we all know that decisions shape our destiny. I am sure you are aware that during your life you took a decision, that got you where you are. Now, would you have done something else or take a different decision and you wouldn’t have been where you are today, having the relationship you have today, the car, the house, etc.

Another very important fact is that, it is impossible to always make the good decisions.

A lot of people don’t have the guts to take the tough decision cause they want to make the right decision so they make no decision, which in itself is a decision.  – Tony Robbins

Now I wouldn’t like to live my life knowing something like that, and I suppose neither would you. So the secret behind decision making is to get really good at it. That can be accomplished through daily practice, so that your brain gets used to it. It doesn’t necessarily mean we have to take tough decisions every day. Start small. Decide on what thing that you though about doing for a long time but never found the energy or the time to do it, even if you know it would bring a lot of benefits in your life. Decide to start now and make the first step NOW. It might be going to the gym, or planning a vacation. Doesn’t really matter. The idea is to make the first step. I am certain you have already heard this before, so many times that you don’t even think is that important anymore. Well in case you think that way, it’s crucial to understand that your brain has already accepted the fact that you don’t need to take action, which is VERY DANGEROUS. Just think about it for a second.

Now, I would like to go a bit further on the decision making process and try to understand how we take decisions.

At any given moment in time the decisions we take are based on the amount of information we have about that specific area in our life. So if we have a lot of experience and information it’s easy to take a decision, while if we don’t it’s get really hard.

But do you see the vicious circle there?

Decisions are based on experience and information, which themselves are based on actions, but than again actions are just the consequence of our decisions. So now you understand while this is so difficult some times.

So how do we brake this circle?

Well the idea is to start taking decisions without necessarily thinking if it’s good or bad. Now you might say that  is simply foolish and that it is impossible to do that and I agree on a certain level. However, let me remind you that our brain is able of doing things we are not consciously aware of. At any given time it accesses the relevant memories and information and send signals to your body. It’s called: the gut. That inner feeling that something is good or bad without knowing why. Than there is the other perspective that we just tackled that we will not always take the good decisions. I call try process trial and error and we need to understand that no successful person got where he is today without doing this.

I could just go on and on on this subject, but I guess it’s time to take a decision. And mine is to stop here and ask you:

Do you have any hard decisions to take right now in your life?

How much longer are you  going to postpone it and why exactly?

 

In the end let me also remind you that we are not alone in this world and that it is perfectly normal to ask for help and it is awesome to have somebody offering help when you feel you need it. So I am offering to help you get better in taking your decisions.

Simply go to this page, and register for a free coaching session. I promise you will not regret it.

Yours truly VM.

 

References:

50 Powerful Tony Robbins Quotes That Have Changed My Life

 

How would you react?

You will probably hear this from many sources, meaning it is most probably to be true, and that is the fact that difficult moments make you stronger as long as you act not react to them and get to learn something at the end.

Well, as cool and smart as that might sound, it sucks when it comes down to reality. Let’s be honest, no one likes having issues or being put in an awkward or stressful situation. Unfortunately from time to time we end up facing this kind of situations and unless you prepare for them you just might risk being incapable of fighting the torrent of emotions, and that shouldn’t happen.

Now the reason I am talking about this is because today I experienced a very interesting, yet uncomfortable situation. While talking to the manager and a couple of other team members at the company I am currently a consultant for, going through the reasons of why I don’t see myself continuing as an employee for them thus not accepting their job offer, I saw myself pushed around and verbally bullied.

I will not explicitly name the company as it might effect their image and this is not my purpose, even if honestly they would deserve it,  but I was thinking about the contrast between all the things I am currently reading and studying about leadership in great teams and companies and the stuff that happens in others.

I am very proud of myself for being capable of not loosing my nerve and discussing on the subject in matter in a peaceful manner even if I saw the temper of the person sitting in front of me. Seems like all the things I have read, studied and practiced are starting to pay off. So besides being a bit muscle tensed and mouth dried because of all the talk I had done, I was OK.

Knowing my temper about two years ago, I can only imagine that I would have probably reacted in a less peaceful manner if somebody tried to “push me around”. You can consider it whatever you like, but there are two words that popped up in my mind after the meeting: consciousness and self-control.

I basically realized what was happening and didn’t allow myself to loose control.

Would I had been able to do this “20 books ago”; surely not. So what changed, if I may ask.

Well, here is a list I thing someone might find useful:

  1. I have different role models now
  2. I am more conscious about what I feel and thus am able to control my feelings
  3. I pay much more attention to how people are reacting when they interact with me
  4. I promised myself some time ago, to try to keep calm no matter what (unfortunately doesn’t work YET 100% of the time, but still)
  5. I have learned how great it is to feel the satisfaction of being in control of the situation rather than being push around by it.

Probably this is nothing comparing to what other people are going through right now, but there is definitely a lesson here and I wanted to share it with you.

Have a great evening.

Nobody else pays my bills

Should I live in fear and regret, or should I learn by trial an error and face disappointment and criticism?

Should I listen to what others have to say or should I follow through with what my intuition tells me?

I wonder how may times in our lives we are facing these questions?

Actually, allow me to rephrase.

What does it take to stop asking ourselves these questions?

I know all of us have things we would like to do and are afraid to act because of what others would say if we do so. I know I did and sometimes still do. However, we have to remind ourselves that nobody is “paying our bills” so why should we let them influence or decide what is best for us. Strength and experience comes with sacrifice and there is not one successful person out there that got where he is by following what others had to say and living as they told him he should.

I had my part of experiences so far with this and would like to share it with you. Hopefully you will find it at least interesting if not inspiring.

I want to recall several moments in my life when I decided to follow through with my decisions despite the criticism and lack of support from the people around me: family, friends, work colleges, etc.

First moment was when I got involved in an MLM company. Ohhh did I get pushed around and laughed at. In the eyes of many of my friends and even my family I was just another fool being brain-washed by their system and acting stupid. God do people know how to put you down and discourage you.

The problem however is not with them, well they are part of it actually :)), but the main problem is US. Once we allow ourselves to be affected by the opinions of others and don’t have the courage to stand up and fight for our right to experience and learn, well I guess we deserve it. Life has some twisted ways of making you stronger and unless you are aware of it’s methods you will probably always subside and go back to the start and thus never experience the joy of the finish line.

The reason why I am talking about this is because I am aware that I would never be what I am and where I am today if it wouldn’t have been for those experiences, the lessons I learned and the disappointments I faced in the period I was involved in that company. Today I am not actively being involved but I am still the product of the system and I am proud of it.

Second experience was when I decided to quit my second job. Had been working for two years with that team and had had a lot of extraordinary experiences, learned a huge deal of things and got the chance to apply the knowledge I accumulated while reading and going to seminars. I am truly grateful to the opportunity and to my team, but sometimes you just have to let go. Just to be clear, I did not quit my job for another offer. No, I had quit because I had taken some bad decisions, trusted people I shouldn’t have, didn’t see the company going where I thought it should, so I wasn’t happy anymore.

Living a very well payed job, with no backup plan, just a crazy idea of wanting to do things differently is not easy. Some might even consider it stupid. Again the “support team” was doing it’s job.

However, just a couple days after, the sun was shinning again on my avenue. I felt free like never before. I had time to think about myself and what I would like to do with my life and where I would want to see myself in several years.I starting reading, going to the gym, spending more time with my girlfriend, got some reflex-therapy sessions, went to seminars and events.

Two months passed like that and I was beginning to get used to it. Than came another decision making moment in my life: moving to another country to continue working there and jeez what a change that was. Let’s just say I felt life was trying to crack me upon to see what am I made of.

There is of course a happy ending to this. I am currently doing very well for myself, earning more money I had hoped for when moving to Paris, working with awesome people, putting my ideas in practice and studying to become a certified coach.

Until recently this year I had never given those experiences a lot of thought. It was only when I started talking about them to people and got feedback that I realized what tremendous lessons had I learned. I than decided to share my experience in helping others to find the power within to brake through similar rough times. I now I was influenced and touched by similar stories.The lessons I would like to share with you are:

    1. When facing difficult times and dealing with hard decisions, when nobody seems to understand or support you, simply don’t give up.
    2. If you want a better life for you and your family you have to be willing to work for it.
    3. Simply trust that better times are waiting in front of you, just expecting to reach them.

 

So don’t waste your life following somebody else’s presumptions of good or bad, nor search for the answers in someone else. The answers are always within you and the only way to get them out is by asking yourself the appropriate questions.

More on this subject in a future post.

Bad habits unsuccessful people have

People really like reading articles about what successful and unsuccessful people do so I decided to contribute to this “type of literature”.

But how can we classify people in: successful and unsuccessful. What are the criteria used to do this?

I would simply say that comparing your daily routine and habits would be a good way to start. This type of comparison usually gets people a bit angry, especially when they find themselves checking more things from the list of things unsuccessful people do. I would instead recommend asking yourself, how could you improve this, rather than closing the page and assuming it’s a crappy article.

Now we have to understand that every person in the successful group was once on the other side so there is hope for everyone. No one was born perfect but we owe it to ourselves to become more. How my mentors like to say: try GROWING through life, not GOING through life.

Before getting into the list of bad habits, let me just say that I was also once on “the other side” and the way I started unchecking the list was by creating “rituals” which are another way of saying habit, but more used in coaching. And in case you are interested in having a coaching session, I remind you that I am currently offering a FREE coaching session.

1….Ignoring

They either have the habit of letting things pass by and small talking about any possible opportunity, either leaving issues unresolved hoping they will just go away. Instead they find themselves having even bigger issues.

2….Self pity

I sometimes find myself talking to people who in a way or another pity themselves and are cry-babies. Nothing is going well, the don’t have enough money, no one things of them, they have no friends, and many others. Not only do I not encourage them but most often look at them with a straight face not encouraging them to continue. As you probably know by now, or should know by know: we have more of what we talk about. Talking about issues will only tell your brain to search for even more issues and so on. You get the point.

3….Envying

Probably the were there is. Not only do they not learn from their mistakes or try harder, but they prefer discrediting other people for their success or even blaming them for their failures. This kind of behavior and associated feelings rarely leads to anything good.

4….Loosing time

A lot of us are very very good at doing this. Even without knowing we find ourselves spending 45 minutes on Facebook when we only wanted to read one article. Internet it’s like “The RING”. The more you play with it the more you want and need it. Try switching the mouse and keyboard with a book from time to time. Switching 50% of the time you spend online to reading could just transform your life

5….Finding excuse

This one is by far their favorite. Will all know that if you really want to do something you find a way and if not you will surely find an excuse. Well, we got damn good at the second part, unfortunately. Whenever there is something to do, we find a way around to avoid getting our hands dirty. The problem is that it created addiction which can transform in a lifestyle, a purely lifestyle. If you know you are doing this, do something to change this, NOW.
There would be a lot more things to enumerate but I found two interesting articles which you can read if interested:

10 things unsuccessful people never stop doing

Successful people vs Unsuccessful people

 

Hopefully this article got you at least thinking, and maybe, just maybe you will try to IMPROVE.

Remember, it’s better to GROW through life than GO through life.

 

How to receive more

I have been studying and reading a lot of books in the last 2 years on different subject, mainly personal development, self-help, becoming financial independent, leadership, entrepreneurship and other.

As you may assume each one offers specific information on the domain it tackles, however there is one thing that I have found they all have in common.

As I am trying to be more than just a reader, I am selecting and applying some of the principles I found in my lectures in order to improve the quality of my live and get me closer to my goals, so I obviously decided to include that information/habit in my life.

However, honestly I wouldn’t have expected that this one thing in particular is going to impact my life so much and have to admit it was hard at the beginning to follow. I am by nature, a skeptical person, so I don’t really buy into what everyone is telling me, neither do I take it for granted as being true. I need to convince myself and the way I do that is testing it or by using a technique Tony Robbins used at UPW,  which is getting that piece of information or situation in a corner called: common sense corner and test if it stands. If it doesn’t make common sense, I usually get rid of it.

Now this thing that I am sharing with you now not only has the power to change your life, the way you think and see yourself, but also the lives of others, and the truly amazing thing is that the results will be visible in a very short period after applying it.

It can take many forms, but I am sure you will get the idea. Here it is:

PUT YOURSELF IN THE SERVICE OF OTHERS AND EXPECT NOTHING WHEN DOING SO;

OFFER AS MUCH VALUE AS POSSIBLE TO OTHERS, HELP THEM IMPROVE THEIR LIVES AND YOU WILL IMPROVE YOURS INDIRECTLY.

GIVE OTHERS WHAT THEY NEED, OR HELP THEM GET IT THEMSELVES AND YOU WILL NOT LACK ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE.

I guess by now your understand where I am going and also why I said it was difficult to follow with it.

Now the reason I found it difficult is that we have a habit of being selfish. Now probably that is not the case for you, or you would have several counter-examples, but I am asking you to bare with me on this one and think about it for a moment. Don’t try to fight it.

I learned not to give an advice until asked for so I am only suggesting, that you try this in the next period.

Either at the office, on your way home, at home, wherever you find yourself in a situation where you see someone that might benefit form your help, try to give him a hand. By the way I am not talking about giving money away to poor people, each time. I don’t necessarily think that really helps in a long term. I am rather talking about acts of kindness that might impact someone.

Don’t worry about looking intentionally for this moments, as they will come on their own. Just keep an open minded and once you spot the chance to act, don’t hesitate.

You will receive more than you can expect.

You will receive joy, smiles, energy, appreciation and much more.

So let me know how this works for you.
Leave a comment below if you agree/disagree or had the change to help someone and let me know how did that make you feel.